serious talk - part 1

this post will be some sort of a serious one. why? basta..
first thing is my relation to my god. i know that my relation to Him right now is not like before. not like what i have last year. i dont know when it all started and how it all started. i just feel this way.
i remember that i felt so bad before when i lost my pendant, i think taht is the time or the start of it but im not sure. satan is working on me. nah, lord help me.
then reading the bible before going to sleep is not my hobby anymore. i did not do it now. i cant remember when was the last time i opened my bible and read it. that was too long ago. tsk tsk
sinner edward. i really hope that lord will back me to what i am before. i really miss it.

second, i changed. i know that i changed. and some people already notice it. i, myself notice it. and i dont know why. maybe its because of the environment, it should be one of the factor. one of my text friend ( cause we do not see each other pa, just an online friend), noticed it actually, he just said that why im acting this way, why did i change? what happened to the old edward taht he knew. that he met before. i just said that people change. nothing is permanent in this world but change. he said that i was too far different from the old edward. and he told me that maybe im an impostor and just using my ym and just do that nasty things to my friends. well, this is the real me.

when one people is too kind, some of the people around him/her might abuse and use that person for their own personal sake. i love helping people, but sometimes that help has been taken for granted. that someone will text me and ask for a load, you gave them on the first time, second and third time, but he/she will just text you when they need load. i treat them as a friend. i treat everybody as my friend. but sometimes, those people abuse me. and i cant blame them for that, maybe it was also my fault that i treated them like that. that i was too kind enough for them to do that things.

well, i was still the same edward. ill try to be kind and behave again, just help me to hide the evil in me. when my friedns are happy, im happy for them. they are my family.
also, other topic that has been opened is about friend. that text friend told me that he treat me as a friend. and i answered back on one of his message that i treat you as a friend but not a close friend cause we do not see each other, and i explained to him this:

"i can say that i have a lot of friends, which is true. but i only have close friends which are true".

did you get my point? i can have a lot of friends in this world, but only few whom i can say that they are my true and close friends. when you know something about me and about my past and you accpeted me for being what i am, i can say that you are my true and close friend cause you know that part of my life. what ive been through. not all of my friends know my story, some of them just think that im like this and that. but do you really know the real me? maybe not. maybe yes. try me.


kyels said...


I'm sure the Lord will forgive you. He forgives all of us for the mistakes that we've done. And of course he will enlighten you.